i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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