apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
