I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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