i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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