grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
