I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
