What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
