You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
