i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
