alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
