Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am naked and annoyed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
