shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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