her vagine was all disorganized.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
