I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
