Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
