I have demons in me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
