After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
