If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
