So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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