All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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