i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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