Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
