I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
