It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
