Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
