get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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