This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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