My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
