Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
