I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
