I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
