i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
