I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
