hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
