Ketchup is God's man juice
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
