question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
