a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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