im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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