just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
