i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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