Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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