Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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