I can't breathe out the right side of my face
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
