I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
