I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
