It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
