I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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