Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
