Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
