i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
