The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
