I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
