Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I want is dick and wine.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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