i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
