'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
