he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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