oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
