do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
