the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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