kristin has been a bad kristin
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
